Perspective

Today is National Down Syndrome Day, 3/21.  3 copies of the chromosome 21.  Had no idea what that was three years ago, didn't want to know quite frankly.  Really didn't even understand what a chromosome was back then.  I didn't even know that it was called Down Syndrome and not Downs Syndrome.

Perspective has always been a gift to me.  I will never forget the 9 months of waiting to meet Carter, it was the worst nine months of our lives.  Ultra sounds still haunt me and I can remember my heart disappearing on me when the geneticists spoke words like Trisomy 18, termination, life expectancy.  Perspective.  I found myself going from asking for a healthy baby, to begging God that Carter just have Down Syndrome.  Funny how that can change so quickly, how Down Syndrome can look like such a gift when faced with such devastating alternatives.  They assured me he wouldn't have "3 copies of Chromosome 21", he didn't show markers for that; 3 weeks before he was born we found out he did have Trisomy 21,  down syndrome and we were grateful.  We went from thinking funeral to putting a crib together.  It was amazing, miraculous in my book, and such a great 3 weeks.

While we rejoiced in Down Syndrome, it took a long time to process what that diagnosis meant for him, for our family, for me.  He was different.  I would stare at his newborn face and say so many times, "he doesn't look like he has down syndrome though".  He doesn't have the markers on his hands and toes, he had amazing muscle tone and great reflexes at birth..."maybe he doesn't have DS".  I'd try to tell myself.  I'd look at other little boys with DS and just reel inside.  I could see Carter in them, I could imagine what he'd look like when I tried not to stare at the 30 year old man at the store.  I was upset that I could see my baby in a 30 year old man, that DS has so many characteristics that are the same.  I was silently let down that after finally being able to get pregnant, our baby looked nothing like us..even down to the red hair.

And as he started to grow, the DS grew too.  He resembled the other little boys with DS, he was growing into "that face".  The photographer in me was bummed his little eyes disappeared when he smiled because all the pictures showed only little almond slits.  He was different.  Down Syndrome followed me everywhere, into every store there were awkward stares, people didn't/don't know how to handle seeing him and then glancing to see who his mom is.  Always different.

But now, I can honestly say that DS doesn't follow us.  There are actually days I completely forget that term, and when I see Carter...I see only Carter.  I'm not allowing DS to define him or define me.  I have huge dreams for my son, massively high expectations for him.  He is different, but today the different has changed.  The pictures where there are little slits...well we thank God that he is such a happy boy, so happy that his smile takes over his entire face.  And when he accomplishes a goal that has taken us so long to get too...well the pride we have can't even be put into words.  And when he charms the socks off of people in the public, I just smile and let them know he is the greatest kid and we beyond blessed.  When people express that they "feel sorry" for us, I let them know how very wrong they are and that it is I who feels sorry for them.  He is teaching my children how to be accepting of disabilities, how to look at the heart and not the outward appearance.  He is educating other children about DS and how cool it is.  He is teaching us what perseverance looks like, what joy can do to a heart, that laughter needs to always be present, and that it's just simply okay to be who you were created to be.

3 copies of chromosome 21 has forever changed our lives here in our home.  And we are better because of an extra chromosome.  On this Down Syndrome Day, I encourage you to see it differently.  When you see someone with DS, don't glance and then look away.  Acknowledge them, talk to them, allow yourself to not be scared or awkward.  Get to know them and allow them to change your life.