2010

2010, I've read a lot about you on Facebook today. People are saying you sucked, you were the worst year ever, can't wait for 2011, etc. I must admit that my first reaction to 2010 was/is a negative one. I can look back on you and declare that you did indeed suck. And I'm thinking I would most likely have every right in the world to feel that way. It was the worst year of my entire 34 years. I could choose to hate you, to say good riddance to you and never look back, but I'm going to choose differently. I'm going to choose to look back to you, 2010 with a chuckle and a tear.

You were the year my life changed forever, you were the year where I understood what devastation could look like, I kind of in a tiny teeny way can understand what losing a child is like, I felt fear like I've never felt in my life and in my worst nightmares. Speaking of nightmares, they were wickedly awful this year, scared to close my eyes at night and spin frantically out of control in hellish visions consuming my sleep. There was darkness, there was utter lonliness, there was disgusting feelings, with you this year there were massive pity parties thrown that entailed screaming and kicking and just baffled at why why why this is the pattern I get to live. So, perhaps you sucked. But, without the suck part, my life wouldn't hold depth, wouldn't have meaning, the growth would have been minimal.

I've heard it explained this way...take a beautiful painting. What makes a painting breathtaking? When the artist can create depth, and how do they do that, with darkness, with the color black, dark charcoals, to create the shadows and make things just pop. When one stands back to see the completed masterpiece it is the darkness that makes the entire piece marvelous. If black was left out, the piece might be pretty, no masterpiece by far, it would be missing the breathtaking part. That is what has been happening to me...God is painting the depth, he's using the dark colors to make the masterpiece just right. He sees in His head the completed piece and my goodness, I have a feeling I will stand back one day with tears streaming down after seeing the "bigger" picture and with the darkness...it will take my breath away. That is what you've brought this year 2010. You've made my picture much more lovely with each black line painted on me. I have felt the thrill of being in the Master's hand while he works on His masterpiece.

I will look back on you 2010 as the year I experienced intense joy, no words for it sadness, and the honor of surrendering and recognizing that God is good even when nothing makes sense and the suffering He brings or allows is seemingly unbalanced and what would seem as unfair. I've faced giving Him my son to have forever, my worst fear ever, I've told Him yes with trembling hands and a breaking heart. And He handed him back to me and told me yes.

2010, you've been the year where we felt like we had friends who were so much more than friends to our family. We've been loved and blessed in ways that have knocked our socks off as well as the socks of those watching.

You were the year we found a church who loved our family in tangible ways and met a need we had deeply...we ached and that church soothed. 2010 was the year a church took our hands and promised to love and care for our son for life.

2010, you brought us the processing of living with down syndrome, easy to deal with at first, harder later after reality set in, and now only left with a smile and not as much fear.

Yes, 2010 you weren't an easy year and I pray intensely that 2011 will be used as a year that brings refreshment and peace in the Plamondon family. But you know what 2010?? I wouldn't change a minute of you, and I get a eerie chill when I think about what it would have been like if it had gone any differently. You were a beautiful year full of massive challenges that changed who I am, it has brought me to the Lord in ways that cannot be described on a blog, and it has changed my family dynamics forever...But I am so very thankful that God has used 2010 in powerful ways and I cannot wait to someday get to see the completed masterpiece. But for today, we've been allowed early showings and the glimpses I see of what the Master is creating...wow.

A Few of our Favorite Things

A few of our favorite things...

Kirk's Favorite Things...his new lazy boy rocker that took his wife almost 13 years to agree too.

Zac's favorite thing...our new 3 foot what I call dog...mistake for a clutter causes anxiety mother

McKenzie's favorite by far...she is such a better person than I...I craved Barbies and meaningless plastic, she wants knowledge, whatever!

Carter's Favorite thing...I'd go gaga looking at you all day long too buddy.

Kristen's favorite thing...no brainer.

Dear Mr. Thumb

Dear Mr. Thumb,

I must admit, I had given up on you, thinking you just weren't going to come through. Much to my surprise, you showed up on Christmas day and gave me the gift that no other thing could match. I will regret you someday, but for today...I owe you big time.

Sincerely,

A happy mommy

Paxon

Rachel and Jeremy got a Christmas miracle...Paxon was born on Christmas morning, breathing on his own and surprising those docs...I love it when God does that. But, Paxon needs a lot of prayer right now, so I'm enlisting all of you to join the army already on their knees for this little miracle and his family. Some specific prayer requests...pray that he can get off his breathing tube quickly, pray that his tummy begins to function like it needs to, pray that his heart be healed, and pray for doctors to make wise decisions. Pray also for Rachel and Jeremy as they juggle two boys and a whirlwind of emotions I'm sure...pray for His UNREAL peace to flood them and pray that their little boy Asher will stay healthy through this all. Get on your knees army!

here is Rachel's blog if you'd like to meet Paxon..http://www.asherolimb.com/blog/

you have to click on the images to see the pictures, for some reason they aren't coming up on her blog, but if you click...well then you get the priveledge of meeting a little miracle!

Update on Two of my Three

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at our house! I love having kids at Christmas (well, I usually love having kids other times throughout the year too:). It makes Christmas feel like I am 5 again, shaking presents, lifting tape up to take a peak (oh, well perhaps only this control freak did stuff like that huh?), it just seems so giddy and fabulous again!

McKenzie has been doing fantastic. She started school on the day Carter was born, so life has been crazy hectic during this bizarre transition. She attends a Christian school that is part homeschool, so she is home with me for part of the week and only attends school for a few hours. It was a perfect transition for us to get her into the world of germs again without throwing full on kindergarten onto her. She will hopefully repeat kindergarten again next year at Kirk's school if she is able to endure a full day of school. She doesn't have the greatest endurance because of health, balance, weakness, but she is getting there and we are hopeful! She has been sick a couple times this fall, much to our amazement! She is doing fabulous and we are beyond thrilled! If you've ever questioned the bizarre"ness" of a naturapath, don't...it has changed Mckenzie's life!

And this Handsome little elf is doing fabulous as well! Can't believe he is already 4 months old! Wow! He babbles a ton, especially when drinking his bottle. He giggles and is extremely ticklish. He rolls over all the time from tummy to back on accident, but we'll take it. And he is grabbing his toys on his gym. Proud is an understatement in our home. It has brought tears to my eyes on occasion to see him doing so well. He is almost 15 pounds and is 24 inches...big baby. My biggest baby! Mr. Carter is a mama's boy since he doesn't get passed to many people due to germs. We spend most of our days at home avoiding people (sounds lovely eh?). But sometimes I'll tiptoe to a store with him and cheat, but don't tell okay? He still hates the car, still throws up, and screams, poor baby. He is still on the apnea monitor which has been such a gift to us. He has had a handful of episodes of stopping breathing and heart rate issues, so we are thanking God for the monitor. Therapies are in full swing, trying to get back into the massive loads of therapies a week, plus the norms of life. But, a blessing is how we see it (most days). He is waiting to get his eyes checked to see if he needs glasses, wouldn't he be stunningly handsome? He is also waiting to see a neurologist because his muscles are ridgid. Remember the trisomy 18 scare (I do!)...how he was completely opposite of a DS baby? Well, he still is in a lot of ways. His muscles don't move easily, they lock up on us. This is the polar opposite of Down Syndrome, so it is way bizarre. There are a lot of different reasons for this, not many are good, so we continue to pursue answers and trust God and recognize yet again, He is sitting on THE throne and knows tomorrow and sees THE eternal picture, and not one tiny bit of our life is a surprise to Him.

A couple of years ago I covered all of our Christmas traditions...so I won't go down that road again, but I did want to let you in on our simplest but most important one. Thought you'd still have time to throw it into your tradition as well!

Every year we make a Christmas chain. Every link has part of Luke 2 written on it. Each night we pull off a link and read the story of Jesus' birth from that link. We also have a Christmas word wall. So, the child who doesn't get to do the link that night, gets to do the word wall for our family.

Here are the pics and story that goes with the wall. You can get the words from googling Christmas Nativity word wall...there's a ton. Seriously, this is exactly what our kids say...say it with me SIMPLE

An angel told Mary that she would have a baby. Mary and Joseph rode on a Donkey to Bethlehem because of the census. There was no room in the inn so

Jesus was born and put in a manger. The shepherds were in the field and angels said "Glory to God in the highest."King Herod wanted to kill the the King Jesus, and told the Maji to tell him when they had found Jesus. The Maji traveled from far away to bring gifts to Jesus...and they didn't go back to tell Herod.

Jesus was born as a baby to be nailed to a cross and a crown of thorns placed on His head. Three days later He was alive and still lives today! He was born to die to pay for my sin.

What does God want for Christmas?

He wants my heart.

He wants me to pray and ask Jesus into my heart and live with Him forever.

Sometimes the memorized simplicity can change eternity.

Just How Much

Would you be able to accomplish

Each Day

When This is tempting you?

Do you see my dilemma?

You

Every year we make an ornament that represents our year. This year, I just couldn't figure out how to put our year in one ornament. How do you capture jubilation, devastations, surrendering, support, and miracles into an ornament? Well, I still don't have an answer to that really, but we do have an ornament on our tree. You are on our tree this year...yep, that's right, you. We kept every single comment from you this year, every single facebook message, emailed verse, prayers sent to us...we kept them all, printed them and put them into an ornament. Could just be my favorite ornament up on that tree. So, if you commented, if you sent a prayer, if you were from one of those far away countries that thrilled my children to hear from, if you offered to be our photographer to capture a tender time, if you wrote me your similar story and I was too overwhelmed to respond, if you were part of a school who had committed to pray for our family, if you were passed along our story through a small group, if you sent an email offering a meal or a coffee, if you spread our story, if you were a church who adopted a family to love, if you rejoiced, if you mourned, if you pleaded on Carter's behalf, you are captured forever on our tree.

Cutting out each comment has left my heart heavy, wishing I could meet you and say "Thank you" and hug you. Without you, our year would have looked very different, and I cannot even begin to describe just how different it would have been. Lonely would begin perhaps. It is my prayer that you all saw Him this year, through the good, the bad and the ugly I pray you saw Him as good. Thank you for making up our Christmas tree ornament!

Yesterday I was laying next to Carter telling him about Jesus' birth. He was talking away with huge smiles. As I told him that Jesus was born in a barn with his mommy there watching him, I thought about Mary. I always think about Mary this time of year, especially since I've become a mother. I've been struggling with some fears regarding Carter and some unknowns up ahead with some pieces that just don't seem to be fitting in the down syndrome puzzle. I find myself in panic mode when around germs with him and I find myself becoming irrational at times and scared to death that Carter will die.

Then I thought about Mary yesterday. I was telling Carter how crazy it must have been to be stuck in a filthy stinky barn with flies buzzing all around and know this tiny baby must be cared for and he didn't get the best start to life that is for sure. Poor Mary I thought. How overwhelming it must have been. She just gave birth to the baby who had come to save the world, the Messiah and she knew it. She knew she was carrying God's son...it certaintly wasn't Joseph's boy. She was ridiculed, almost lost her man, I'm sure not a soul believed her crazy angel story today she would have been on the front of Star and the Enquirer and then she goes into labor after riding on a donkey for days just because of a stinkin census. And then, the massive unknown to her. She would lose her Son...how, when, and why? I would have had a panic attack if I were her and demanded counseling and the highest dose of meds available. Then I said these words to Carter "She was lucky, she had the Father with her, He told her everything she needed to know and she had knowledge that He was in control of her baby's future."

Right after I said it, I just got tears in my eyes. Here I am, a mom overwhelmed with the todays of each day, irrational about the tomorrows, and so lonely in the minutes. My situation is no different than her's. I have the Father right here, I have the only God that has ever existed (yes that's right) sitting sovereign in my life and in the entire eternity! I just have chosen to forget that. My eyes have turned to me, to my life, to the stinky flies buzzin' around my head and I've chosen to forget that He is here and will take my hand if I just reach for it. I have her same God..the only one with a capital G. And He is eternal, yesterday, today, and forever...and has it all mapped out just like Mary had for her. I just need to choose to look up. So easy, so simple, so incredibly stupid that I'd let my eyes fall from Him and decide to fret about everything I cannot control, which happens to be everything by the way.

Mary wasn't a powerful woman, she didn't have claim to great fame, she was a girl, not a woman at all, a humble girl who responded with "I am the Lord's servant". God used her because He knew she would do more than just obey, and she was part of a large picture prophesied so long before Jesus was ever born. She was willing and she walked with the Father because she looked up. I can do that too, even when those pesky flies are such a bother.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

I Do Love You

Ever have one of those days where you find yourself muttering over and over in your head "I do love you, I do love you?" If you don't, then me either, but if you do maybe I know someone who could relate. Like, for example:

when, let's call the child "Sally" fed a graham cracker to your 3 month old..."I do love you I do love you"

when, for simplicity reasons, we'll continue with "Sally" knocked a beautiful picture off your wall shattering glass everywhere and smashing the just right took you forever to find frame...."I do love you I do love you."

when "Sally" stuck a small little magnet in your again, 3 month old's mouth..."I do love you, I do love you"

when "Sally" is obsessed with trying to pick cradle crap (oops, cap) off a before mentioned 3 month old, sees cradle cap everywhere she looks...the pepperoni, the books, the billboard signs, and the baby Jesus...."I do love you I do love you"

didn't know if anyone could relate, because I certaintly can't... I was just wonderin!