A Sweet Dream

I woke up after having the sweetest dream.  In my dream, life was pretty normal except my Carter could talk.  I remember telling him "Run Carter" and then he stopped looked at me and yelled "Run Carter" and then took off.  I remember in my dream I just stood there amazed he had just spoke.  I quickly followed him and asked him to say more words and he repeated everything I asked of him.  Zac walked in and Carter yelled "Hi Zac!".  I couldn't believe it.  I woke up and smiled, fully knowing my real Carter can't talk, but I had heard him for an entire night, in his exact voice...the one we hear babbles from each day.  It was magical and wonderful to hear him.

Carter's weakness is speech, his strength is gross motor...he's a go getter.  Wanted to crawl, wanted to walk, run, jump.  He is definitely a mover and a shaker and highly motivated to work to get where he wants gross motor wise.  Speech is coming slowly, although I know he is doing "well" for somebody with Down Syndrome, I'd love to hear my little boy and I wish so much for him to be able to tell us his needs.  He is sick right now and I wish he could just tell me where it hurts, but not being able to talk makes it scarier for him, for us, and makes life very frustrating for all involved.

The hard, but great, thing is he knows what he wants, he understands almost everything he hears, he just can't connect his brain to make the sounds needed to produce the word.  He can make a lot of sounds, but remembering to use them at the right time or recalling that he once "knew a word" is a struggle.  It seems we go a while hearing "Nana" or "Mama" and then he stops using it.  When you ask him to say "Dada" he will say it with a huge smile on his face and look at Kirk, but he would never think to use the word on his own...always needing prompting.  Sign language is our friend indeed, but that is limiting.  I have full confidence that he will indeed speak someday, we are both determined people! But for now, I'll have full conversations with him in my dreams, he sounds so sweet and tells me exactly what I know he wishes he could today.  Sweet dreams!

 

What Our Forever Day Looks like

Why do we celebrate Forever Day? To remind our children of how God's plans are so much bigger than we could ever fathom.  To explain the longing our hearts held before our arms were full.  To share with them the details of the day they became ours since we can't explain the details of how they entered their world.  To make adoption extremely special, to make their friends excited for them.  To remind them of where they have come from, to converse, to reflect, and simply to have fun.

Every year they get to pick where they want to go for dinner and an activity to do as a family.  We usually buy them a gift, but this year we took them shopping with money and they got to pick out something special.  This nearly killed McKenzie, I thought she might have a heart attack over deciding on a new book or a new necklace...poor thing.  Next year, I'm thinking I'll hand her a wrapped package and give us all some relief.  Zac knew weeks ago that he wanted a pair of Nike Elite Socks...if you didn't know, they are all the rage! My goodness, who pays that much money for a pair of socks? Well, I suppose I did but the kid got one pair and only one and he had so much fun picking out the right colors.

Both of our kids love Chipotle, so they both chose that as their dinner, which makes gluten free pretty easy, thank you Chipotle! And walking the mall was their fun activity, we hardly ever go to the mall, so it was a treat to watch the puppies in the window and look through the bookstores and play at Build a Bear.


 

 Carter always helps me make the dessert: McKenzie wanted brownies and Zac got an ice cream cake, Carter got a mess.

we always spend a bit more time chit chatting in bed.

Quote from the oldest "I feel so sorry for Carter, he doesn't get a Forever Day."  I just responded with "He's got his own story to tell doesn't he?"

Forever Began 10 Years Ago...

Zac,

I seem to forget that you are adopted, but days like today are a good reminder.  I remember the judge smiling at our new little family as he declared your name and signed a simple paper that changed our everything.  You made me a mother...just days before Mother's Day.  All the aches, tears, and longing ceased when you were placed into my arms, with your funny little nose and pacifier sucking away, you stared up at me trying to figure out who I was, what this new voice meant to you.  I remember your birth mom was talking and you kept arching your back to look for her, that voice you loved and connected with for your entire life...you searched for her.

You still search for her, you wonder, you ask, you want to know, sometimes I think you need to know. I love watchi

ng you inquire about her, but all the same time calling me "mom" and needing me...it really is a baffling miracle.  In your head there are two of us, and for some amazing reason I'm okay with that, I understand.  She loves you, you know that...she chose a life for you which makes her so beyond special.  But you also know we are your forever parents, parents that have promised to find her someday; we love you that much and more.

Today is a fun day, a day you tell your friends about, leaving them wishing they had a Forever Day.  You've planned and re planned this day for a month now and tonight...we celebrate you and the plans God had for our family long ago.

You are at a fun stage right now, the best age to stay up a bit later than everybody else, drink a bit more slurpee with your dad, understand sarcasm, and try to think through deep conversations you overhear.  Although this age/stage brings challenges as we live this pre teen life, I get a kick out of you kid.  You make me laugh, you challenge my thinking, you keep me on my knees, where I always need to be.

You adore your little brother and have big plans for him and that fancy truck you're going to buy someday when you have a lot of money.  You like to lay in your sister's bed and read books with her, she adores you and looks to you more than you know.

You are still loyal to being a Cardinals Player and then a police officer, and you toy around with the idea of being in the Air Force because Dad said you have the brains for it.  You say you are going to be a police officer because it is a safe job and no matter how much I try to explain to you that you are DEAD wrong, you won't hear it...Police keep people safe, therefore the job is a safe one.  I'm laughing at this right now, but fully know that with the way you stay so loyal to an original thought, I'll someday be praying for my son the police officer to be safe out there on the streets.

You asked me last week if you could save money and stay home while you go to college.  I about kissed you and twirled you around in the air with your brilliant idea.  I played it cool though and shrugged and said "Yeah, you can do that, you're pretty wise to be thinking about saving money and staying at home would save you a lot of money."  This control freak did a mental summersault!

I wasn't there to hear your first cry, I can't describe every detail of your first breath.  But I can say that God's hand was in it all.  He directed us to that hospital nursery day after day to look at that cute baby all alone, not knowing we were admiring you, our soon to be son.  I can tell you my heart jumped each time I saw you through the window, not knowing why, only there to visit your newly born cousins.  But by HIS prompting, I walked that hallway and checked on you just because.  I love how God does "just because" don't you? 7 days later you were in my arms being rocked in our new chair, only 7 days later you made me a mom.  That little baby in the nursery ended up being you, my son.  God is wonderfully fun isn't He?

I may not have been there from the first breath, but I was there before that, you had my heart long before, tears were shed and wails were heard, I was searching for you, clinging to HIS plan, abiding.  And tonight, while you sleep with all your stuffies surrounding you, making you all sweaty, I'll watch like I've done every night before, but tonight I'll linger on my knees and remember how God knit our family together,  I'll remember how you made me a mom.

Dear Girl in the Park,

Dear girl in the park,
Yes, you, the one with the pig tails, the leader of the pack.  You were my first encounter to bullying, you told my son that he "looked weird and therefore couldn't get on the toy at the park".  My first instinct was to pummel you, but seeing so many parents around I didn't think that would fly.  I had a gut reaction to respond to you with "well, he has Down Syndrome, what's your excuse for looking weird?" But because you looked to be about 4 years old, I didn't think your mother would appreciate it.  I looked around, incredibly thankful there wasn't an awkward parent watching you ready to "educate" you at that moment.  I swallowed and replied "Well, the park is for everybody, and he is welcome to play too, please let him on."

This isn't the first time someone has told me my son looked weird, I've heard freaky, weird, different, thus far...but those were from my childrens' friends, and I was able to educate and they had a reason to want to know why he was different and they can hopefully appreciate the differences by getting to know Carter, but you...with the pig tails, I was stumped with you.  I wasn't about to educate you, it wasn't the time or place, and you aren't going to be part of "us" so I didn't need to rock your world with a life lesson.  I didn't know what to do about you or the

words you spewed.  You stumped me and you've left an impression.

I hate those kicks of reality, and you kicked me hard...and the crappy thing is, it's just the beginning of a lifetime of bullying and he's two, I wasn't ready and certaintly wasn't prepared.  It's people like you I pray often for.  I ask God to be preparing someone very special.  I imagine a typical child and I pray that God will match him/her up with my Carter.  That somebody will take his hand in kindergarten and never let it go for life.  That that someone will love Jesus deeply and help Carter to remember Jesus in all his decisions...somebody perhaps like you.  I pray that this person will see who I see...Carter, full of joy, determination and motivation.  I want this person to be floored when their mom or dad mentions that their best friend happens to have down syndrome, I want that to just kind of shock them, then they shrug and keep on living their life with Carter.  Playing chase at recess, trading cards, having sleep overs, driving around and getting soda after school, checking out the ladies and figuring out how to ask someone to prom...I need someone like that for him, someone who will look out for him when I can't and when I shouldn't.

I don't know, our little encounter at the park was a rough introduction to the reality of years of inquiries, bullying, and uncomfortable parents stumbling to help their child be polite.  Uugh is how I'd describe it I suppose.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at you, well maybe I was when I wanted to pummel you, but really you're like 4 and I'm like 37 and I realize I have a few years of knowledge on you.  But brace yourself little lady, because Carter is here and was put here by the Sovereign God for a purpose His purpose.  And I pray that he changes your mind, that he opens eyes and changes lives, and I'll continue to pray for somebody like you perhaps, to pump your legs and swing as high as you can with him on the playground, laughing the entire time.

Sincerely,
Carter's Mom